Roothog: Roothogging comes from the notion of ”work or fail.” This originated on the concept of having a pig too ornery for domestication. Not suited for life on the farm, the pig would be released into the woods to fend for itself. Having a player with a comparable disposition is quite advantageous to have in the composition of a football squad. Players can embody these traits. Examples of Roothogs: Roy Keane, Claude Makelele and Dirk Kuyt.
Roothog Ratio: The Ratio is the relationship of roothogs between opposition teams. One derives the Roothog Ratio by deriving which team has the advantage. The World Cup in 2010 taught us that you can’t have too many roothogs. The ideal ratio is around 3:1. Any more than that and the pig horde craps and snouts all over everything.
The Maternal Relative Innate Awareness (MaRIA) Model. The basic premise is that any internationally raised mother, sister, aunt or grandmother will often have an intrinsic understanding of football that is more effortlessly refined than any of the intricate, overanalyzed rationalizations conceptualized by men.
Simón Bolívar Elite Selection Team: Specialized squad for former subjects completely owning their earlier colonizers on the footy pitch. Examples: Nelson Haedo Valdez for Paraguay (vs Spain) and Clint Dempsey for the USMNT (vs. England).
Beer Associated Clubs Hall of Fame: Squads in the BAC HoF are clubs and players loosely affiliated with beer that gains our support because we’d rather drink than gamble online or fly Emirates. Examples: Newcastle FC (Newcastle Brown Ale), Liverpool (Carlsberg), QPR (Guinness).
Rowing Team: The exclusive community of wealthy, white men currently established as the game’s archaic decision makers. Rich, Old & White. ROWing. Captain: Sepp Blatter. Notable members: Mike Ashley, Bernard Tapie, Silvio Berlusconi.
“The Klinsmann” Holy Diver Award: The Klinsies are given out monthly to the best dive of the month. Named in honor of the orininal diver and officially accompanied by heavy metal band Dio. Lifetime members: Sergio “Peek-a-boo” Busquets, Didier “Lion w/ Thorn in Paw” Drogba.
Catalan Audacious Strip Syndrome (CASS): CASS happens when a team wins a major trophy and then audaciously issues some hideous regalia the following season. It’s appropriately titled due to the fact that after FC Barcelona wore this kit after winning the Champions League in 2006, this one after the 2009 title, and now this. The cause is still uncertain although doctors continue to run tests on innate pride, stubbornness and various of superiority complexes.
The Colombo Effect: Method of announcing and color commentating where the presenter reveals a piece of information, which is sometimes painfully simple, without the audience feeling patronized. Master: Derek Rae.
Project Runway Axiom: A person will secretly enjoy watching a TV show or movie and, at the same time, pretend to dislike it. Reasons vary: don’t want significant other to be right; show is supposed to be girly/manly; is supposed to be working while at work, not watching hulu.